To my dearest Sou Sou

For those people know me well they sure know I am a pets lover. My childhood's company, Sou Sou, she has a brown mixture with black shinny fur. I get her from my dad's friend since young. She is really tamed even tough she not really know how to take care of her little rabbits. But still I love her so much that I expected. 20/12/2008, this is the day she passed away. I really glad that I did accompany her until her last breath of her life. I wonder that if I am a good master to her and I would like to apologise for my ignorance to her when I busy in my study. Just wanna tell you, Sou Sou, I love you and never stop to miss you. R.I.P.

I am not Happy...

2008, what a sucks year for me!

The bad luck keep coming since my birthday until now. I can't believe so many bad things can happen in a short year. My hamsters, rabbit, fish all passed away in this year. One of the hamsters passed away in my birthday, I couldn't accept even though it happened begin of the year and now the year is almost end soon.

More than that, my money expenses really increased incredibly until I have to borrow from my friends. My old car is the only reason for it. Why I call it as an old car because it's already 25 years old car and it caused me a lot of trouble to fix it: the door, tyre, light, exhausted fan, so on and so forth. I keep panic once the car got problem. After I mentioned the mentally suffer, now is the turn of physically. I get injured twice in this year, the first time is my left ankle then follow by my fingers. Gosh! What's happening? Anyone can explain to me?

Let me talk briefly here about the circumstance. During my holiday I did work in a studio for movie production. I really excited on that time since I never work for drama backstage before. I thought it was fun but actually that is the begin of a nightmare. I seldom argue with people and I like to work in peace with everyone. But after I get this job I argued none stop with my partner, assistance director and my ex-colleague. Everything is really normal as what I pass my life until this freaking stupid bad year. Okay, come back to the injured topic again. There had one day we shoot in Kuala Selangor and we work out for a raining scene. I kept ruining here and there to take care of the cast and also achieve what the director requested me to do. Unfortunately my left foot stepped in a hole while I rushing on doing my work. It is damn hurt and my ankle get a big bruise! Luckily the accident not so serious until broke my leg, just had to rest for a week. I only join the production for two months then quit to proceed my degree course.

Well, i am going to tell the accident about my poor fingers. I am having my 1st sem break now for 3 months. I am a Buddhist but not the holy one and sometimes i did join some Buddhists camp. My character in the "Love Youth Camp" is a guider. I have to make sure my students always be safe and carry them when they meet trouble. While the 2nd day of the camp, me and my students have to go through the station game section. There have 10 stations for us to pass through and each of them has certain challenge and hardness. I get injured during one of the game stations. The game requires each challenger to hold the rope tight and jump to the certain distance of the opposite side. I really tired after I passed a few games, therefore, I don't have much energy to hold the rope summore it is a new one and slippery. I fallen down from high when that time I hold the rope and jump. my fingers are bleeding after the strong rubs against the rope. Fingers are the most sensitive part in body. I can feel how pain is it when I get hurt! Doctor said the wounds have to take three weeks to recover and it is a hard time for me to live without the function of fingers.

What a bad year on 2008! I hate it!

Hard time to sleep

I really found hard to get sleep at the midnight this few days.

Usually I straight to my dream when i close my eyes, but now, I find hard to do so.

Sometimes i really so tired to study and read, even they can improve my knowledge but so what?

Do they make me happy? Do they let me sleep comfort without pressure every night? They don't!

I really tired to read articles that 70 percent of it I couldn't understand and have to check dictionary word by word, how tired is it! Why I cannot go back to my high school time and stop forever there and live happily?

I no need to worry for the exam and assignment due because is easy for me to get pass and done for most the units and I never worry about it.

But now, time passing harder and harder for me due to the non-stop assignments to finish which I found more complicated each time. Really headache lar!!!

Someone help me pls... bring me back to my old time, I really miss that time so much which is full of fun and joy.

有口难言

So far I have been working in this company for 1 month already. I still haven't adapt the situation yet though. I don't know what is the problem to make myself so hard to communicate with my colleagues. They hardly get what I mean and most of the time they even misunderstood what I am trying to say. I so tired and really lazy to explain to them. They doubt with my working ability i guess. I just a beginner in this industry and somemore i came in half way to handle this project and no one to lead me! I really don't know how to make a start!! I really easy to get bully by people, and I found a thing is I hardly stand up for myself when someone scold me but not my fault. I don't know how to fight back but quiet!!!! really angry and frustrated! I try very hard to complete my job but no one will praise me when I made the task done. In contrast, everyone will blame me when I done a mistake! This is reality! how horror is it! and damn fucking not fair! Why things never be balance, black always domain than white.

And now, I so tired...