I never thought that i am a useless person since i am born from my mother. Everything have the first time though. I started feel that i am too much of weaknesses until i have to force myself to admit that I really useless as in the family, and friend circle.
As in the family, I am spending too much money from my family for pocket money, rental, school fees, etc and I can't feel that I'm deserve it. It is not a really big deal though.
The second one, friends, sometimes I really want to stop all the friendship with my friends and just stay alone with my family and pets.
However, it just a temporary thinking for me and I really need friends in my life.
Sometimes friends will be your burden and you can't easily dump it as you like.
You have to take care and carry for them when they need your help.
When they are asking you for help and it will be inconvenience for you to help, so how?
Just refuse?
How to refuse by won't make people getting hurt?What an embarrassing and terrible situation for me!
There is another problem as well.
How did you create and maintain a friendship with friends?
Actually this problem is just occurred during my college period.
Have you ever curious why the friends surrounding you can easily make friends with others but you can't?
Started i will thought that my English is not as good as theirs so it should be the reason to obstruct the extension of my friend circle in college.
But, this thinking was proven inaccurate since i met a friend(called M) which I am assumed that M have the quite similar English ability with me.
M can easily make friends with others, she is friendly perhaps. I think am am too shy maybe, don't know.
I really need someone to tell me what is my problem, this already stressed me since I am stepped in college.
For the teamwork, one of my friends(A) said i have no problem with my attitude for doing the work together but another one(B) gave me a totally opposite answer.
It makes me so confuse most of the times and i don't know which should i believe.
B said i the main problem to me is because i don't know how to express myself.
Yeah, when i met a serious issue i really don know how to convey my message to others.
I don't have the confidence to make others listen to me and believe to my idea.
It can conclude that my English ability makes me scared to express myself.
English, what a challenging language for me, sigh.
Another reason is I might misleading or hurt other people when i fully express myself even i am not that mean.
Do you know how hard for a person if he/she can fully convey the message without hurting people?
It is hard for me, i don't know others though.
For example, today i want to join a group for my presentation assignment.
One of me ex-group mate asked me why I don't want to join the current group instead?
Then i just simply thrown out an answer which I don't know it is freaking wrong answer for her until the other ex-group mate reminded me.
I want to join them because they make me learn more and better even they had stressed me most of the time until I suspected myself if engaged with Melancholia.*Laugh*
I also found out that no other friends will speak English with me except them.
However, I worried that my answer will misleading her to think that I just want to "memperalatkan" her ability to get high mark so i didn't tell her my real answer.
Maybe one day i will not care how other people think about me and just throw out what I am thinking but I know it have to take a long time to make it which is totally against my natural characteristic.
3 comments:
"one of my friends(A) said i have no problem with my attitude for doing the work together but another one(B) gave me a totally opposite answer."
1. A & B are on the same page. You're not.
2. It's your ability to express, B is talking about; which is obvious in the few paragraphs after the above.
If you can't pitch an idea OF YOUR OWN in English, OK.
But if you can't in Mandarin, you should do a self-examination and fix it.
Not everything's about language.
3. When someone asks you why you want to join their group for an assignment, you don't lie to them. That's suicide. You make them question your credibility.
The most probable reason one would lie is if they are going to be free loaders.
"I also found out that no other friends will speak English with me except them."
4. No one else speaks to you in English because the friends you're referring to are Mandarin speaking. If you talked to the English speaking group, they WOULD be conversing in English.
5. I did not get your SMS.
If you can't received the message then never mind. i can fully express myself actually but i don't wan becuase i scare my idea will be rejected cos i already have a thinking that you guys is better than me, so that is no point for me to talk. That's my own problem. But you guys also is one of the reasons which most of the time the meeting must be so serious. Maybe you guys alrealy habit to be that but it make me so stress and can't even think any idea to contribute. I am sorry about my rude if i make you guys irritating of what i have said. Sorry.
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